I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
