You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize