i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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