I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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