she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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