I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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