i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize