Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
