That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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