just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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