let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
