did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
