East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
True college students do jello shots in the library
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