If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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