Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
