i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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