I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
