Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My breasts were aching with rage.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
