How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
