News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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