Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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