Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize