Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
