Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
