Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
