his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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