I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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