How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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