I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
