im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
