I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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