i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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