but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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