I wannas sexs uuuuu
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
