You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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