as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
