I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
then he tried to convert me to islam
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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