we're chasing vodka with high fives
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
