We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
