the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
What happened to fro yo and sex?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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