You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
