How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
