Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
