It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
