My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
