if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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