did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
