so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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