omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
