i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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