Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
