I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
