Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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