the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize