You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
