i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
