I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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