Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize