so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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