I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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