Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
