If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
