I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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