please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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