How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize