you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
