We named our party play list daddy issues
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm like, not good at living.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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