His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
