that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize