I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
