if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
