We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
