Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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