So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
