sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
