do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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