WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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