nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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