Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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