It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
