i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
